There isn’t any food in the house – {with editorial comments}

Last night while  at work  I realized that  I  had 5 missed calls and one voice mail message from my 14 year old son between 5:57pm and 6:30pm. The following is a transcript of the voice message he left: { and my editorial comments}

{5 calls within 28 mins- OMG is the house on fire!?!} 

“Hey Mama, It’s me, Alex.”

{He’s an only child}

“Ahh, I just realized that ah, well- there isn’t any food in the house.”

{ Subtext- I finally looked up from my computer/phone screen and realized your big ass was not in front of the stove}

“Yeah. No leftovers. Nothing I can make.” 

{ see pics below}

“and it’s ah- kindaof problem.”

{ Look, I don’t want to get you in any trouble , but child abuse and neglect IS a felony!}

“Now I’m not just calling to scream and whine.”

{ I am a man with a solution}

“I’m calling to ask if you could please, maybe, order some pizza, have it delivered to the house with a credit card- I guess.”

{ payment method is your choice: we take checks, credit cards- or you can shake that money tree that you have hidden up your ass}

“I have no money.”

{ I’m dependent on you- actually more like a slave/exploited child worker}

“That’s why I ‘m calling you.


NO food in the house pantry

NO food in the house pantry


NO food freezer

NO food freezer

NO food refrig

NO food refrig


3 Responses

  1. I’m so glad you found my blog! We need to put your conversations with Eli up next to mine with Alex!

  2. Barb!
    So happy to have a virtual you to crack up with. I seriously miss our runs – this entry has me doubled over…as usual. The masses may now enjoy your wicked sense of humor…mazel…sorry this goyim is cooking lher first brisket for her first Hanukkah or is it Chanukah….schlameal…schlmazel…Hotsenfefer incorporated…we’re gonna do it….sorry…tangents…love and miss you mucho!!!

  3. LOL! This was so funny! Please post more! Having a 14 yo and a 44yo husband is the same, believe me! Sources of inspiration and stories!

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