Archive for November, 2012

Shoulds and supposed to be’s
November 26, 2012

What if as children we were all told repeatedly by caregivers, advertisers, religious and political leaders that everything is on the table–  that you can play with any toys you want to, that you can grown up and not get married,  have children or not, love who you want, wear what is comfortable for you, call yourself what you want.  What if there were no boxes to check or fit into–

What if the true, sanctioned and rewarded goal for everyone was to find and be who you really are and not hurt yourself or anyone else along the way?  

What if the skills we were taught were not to repress, follow along or behind, but to locate our genuine voice and use it to find the way to be and express ourselves, while not getting in anyone else’s way while they were doing the same. 

Currently,there are outside voices that drown out the inside voice and sometimes even replace it. Those outside voices are fueled by fear: you’ll be poor, you’ll be lonely, you’ll die alone, you’ll get hurt, everyone will think you’re crazy or stupid…

The task is excavation, getting still enough to be able to discern the real from the Should and Supposed to be’s.  It’s taken me half my life to hear well from the inside.   The biggest “mistakes”  I’ve made in my life are directly attributable to attempts to be or do something that isn’t inherently me. The good news is that the pain I suffered as a result of those mistakes lessons hurt enough for me to wake up and correct my course, again!

Constant course correction IS the path of life.  I’ve  begun to accept that there is no auto -pilot that keeps me barreling ahead in a well-defined, always meness route.  I need to be still daily, I sometimes need to stop in the midst of a situation to breathe and listen intently, and I often have to readjust, back up, even apologize, and re-set -when I didn’t  listen or couldn’t hear.    Sometimes the fear voices are  just yelling so loudly and so convincingly that it’s impossible to hear my heart.

What if the  driving fears were transformed:  Is this what feels right for me?  Am I hurting myself? Am I hurting someone else? Is this truly what I want or need? Am I afraid of a supposed to be?

Of course the outside voices are here now: you are so ridiculous, that’s not realistic, pie in the sky, Kumbaya – that’s never gonna happen.

 But Today I listened to and wrote down my inside voice.


Puppy LOVE
November 11, 2012

Every woman has a bad boy in her past- at least one.  Even if the relationship was not consummated, even if it was only a silent,  fantasy- from- a- far in high school. Every woman has had that unmistakable compulsion to be with the rebel, the defiant one, the exciting, spontaneous, good- looking , devil- in-his- eye, guy.


And Mae is no exception.  She is a beautiful, kind, fun -loving, happy girl.  Rescued from the streets, with a healthy appetite, and attitude,  she has been a life-enhancing addition  to our family. 

 But she’s got it bad –  for the neighborhood Bad Boy—Nicky!  She is under the spell of his classic handsomeness with his flowing long locks and aloof coolness- he is a canine Brad Pitt!

Hello Gorgeous!

It’s a story as old as the stars: Mae- her mixed pedigree, harlequin face, sets her apart as a rare, exotic beauty and her friendly, yet demure personality instantly endears her to everyone she meets.  And she has brains to match her beauty- Mae graduated top of her class  at obedience school, and earned the nationally recognized “Good Citizen” status as well.

Nicky is a pure bred, a full year younger than Mae, with chiseled features and a full, silky mane that begs you to run your fingers thru it. With his a muscular, sleek physique he’s a canine Fabio fantasy of soft porn (paw?) romance novels.

But mostly– he’s just irresistable

They run together in pure delight, side by side playfully chasing one another, eventually collapsing together, rolling side by side in the tall grass. 

Splendor in the grass

But Nicky craves excitement and adventure.  When he spies a squirrel or the ducks in the canal, he takes off and Mae instinctively follows him.  Oblivious to my commands, she bolts- blinded to traffic dangers by fantasies of passionate adventures. 

And when they are captured, and both admonished for their dangerous behavior she shows no regret, panting with exhilaration and unrestrained desire, bordering on obsession.  She’s wide-eyed and defiant; “We’re not doing anything wrong- We’re –In Love!!!”  she pleads with her beautiful, brown puppy eyes. 

 But alas it is not to be.  Nicky  is betrothed to another – an “arranged marriage” which is the custom with this species (a  local breeder has already identified his intended mate).  The more experienced of us know that this is only going to end with the inevitable quart of Ben and Jerry’s.

 Mae will endure her first broken heart-

Most importantly she will heal– 

the way we all do— with the love from those around us. 

Healing comes from receiving MORE love.    Never replacing what was lost, even in the midst of feeling the pain we are taking in love- coming in from those around us- comforting, caring love from family and friends. 

It’s astounding to realize that even as our heart  breaks it still has the capacity to absorb and feel the love coming from others.  

So eventually,  Mae will know the secret of how we all move on.